“If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” by Debra Hadraba for BraveHeart Women- Honor Your Truth #109

by Debra Hadraba on May 10, 2010 · 0 Comments
in The "Is it True?" Series

Welcome to Honor Your Truth, The “Is It True?” Series Episode One Hundred Nine “If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive”

I am here in Door County working. Many of you already know about the place that I work. It is a café/motel at the entrance to Peninsula State Park. The owners had been trying to sell it and finally they did. Over the winter months, it sold to a very nice young couple that I trained in to work last year! Not much has really changed. They are smart. I am still working ‘round the clock. We all are. It may sound weird, but it’s fun. We love what we do, even though we may complain. It’s just a little venting.

I am living above the café because the place I had been living for the last 8 years… the previous owner’s house, is no longer available. Great. I am up here in the “penthouse” with a family of five. They are AWESOME, but it is a family of 5 nonetheless. The father works in housekeeping and the mother is our baker. They have a new baby and 2 children under 7. The room I am staying in is full of bunk beds all set to house employees coming in from Eastern Europe. There are bags of sheets and blankets, 7 dressers and some lamps.

The bags also contain a pillow, but I bring mine to and fro. I am like that. It’s one of the things that helps me feel at home. When the kids start flocking in, I need to move so I am looking. It’s harder to find housing once the season has begun. I listen to the door slam and when it does I feel the floor shake. I’m right above the entrance to the café. I can smell bacon and it tempts me. It is the crossover meat after all, if you can call it meat. Bacon is the number one thing an ex-vegetarian will have eaten when first becoming carnivore. This was interesting to know.

A few years ago, how many I won’t mention, after turning forty, I started craving meat. I don’t know why, but it all began with bacon. I have served bacon to people now for close to 20 years, at the Day by Day and now at Julies… slinging Early Bird Specials like Frisbees every morning. 2 eggs, 2 bacon or sausage, hashbrowns and toast all for $5.75 if you order before 9, although it used to be $3.50. I don’t know how people can eat all that so early, unless they plan on going back to bed. One day I ate a slice of bacon, just one slice and it was over. I ate more and thus began my “Day of Meat.”

I had bacon, sausage, steak… then my boss at the time said, “Since you’re eating meat now, do you want to come with me to a barbecue?” I said sure and had a bratwurst and a burger. All I ate that day besides meat was ketchup. Prior to my “Day of Meat,” I had gotten sick from soup made with chicken stock, but that day I felt fine. In fact, as I incorporated a more realistic amount into my diet, I must say I felt better. It was strange. Since then I’m more careful about what kind and how it’s raised and so on… but I eat it… to each his own.

I feel like my friends left me here to die. I helped get everything all ready to go, but they went without me to the party. This never was my beehive though I worked as if it was. They are gone and I have nothing. I forgot it was a job. Although I am grateful to be working and doing something that I like, this has never been my dream. I started working in restaurants 30+ years ago. It just happened. I stay because it’s easy. I can do it in my sleep. It’s never been because of any inspiration… the kind that arises from your heart.

I put something in between me and my heart’s desire… something I must climb over, I must triumph, I must let go of, I must claim. Conscious or unconsciously I’ve waited. I tended to others business and put mine in the corner. I’ve been afraid I won’t succeed when I’ve proven that I can. Somehow the idea that its mine is what makes the difference because when it’s for other people I will work until I win. I don’t care what position you start me in; I will be on top within a year, but for what, for who and why.

So I am dividing up my energy and putting some towards my dream. It’s not easy, but I understand why. I was gathering my self-esteem by working myself to the bone until I’m broken. It was easier to be the one with all the answers and the one who always said yes. My own beehive has no honey, so I wonder if I’m ok. It is something that I’m learning… to feel ok within me regardless of what I “do” but more for who I “am.” I Honor My Truth!

Debra Hadraba

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